Dr. Charles Seagate

Seagate Selfie

We recently caught up with Dr. Charles Seagate, medical coma pioneer, at the Sleeping Babies Institute in Holutori, Japan. He discusses his first patient, referred to as Victim One (his jovial term meaning patient zero).

“Victim One was Cynthia Jones-Bur,” Dr. Charles Seagate says with what seemed to be a drunken slur.*

*Editor’s Note: We later found out that Dr. Charles Seagate suffers from a speech slur due to an accident with a self-induced coma as a high school science project.

“Cynthia is one of the prettiest girls in the world,” he said, tearing up, reminiscing about his first medical coma patient.

“She went from backyard drunk to hospital harlot! I did quite a number on her,” Dr. Charles Seagate explains. “She was in and out of what I decided would be her reality for the better part of a year. We kept her head in complete sensory deprivation and fed her seeds through a tube inserted into a hole.”

“We later found out we weren’t even hitting the poor thing’s mouth-hole,” Dr. Seagate laughs and cries at the same time. “Nearly starved her to death.”

Suddenly, our interview was interrupted by cheers. Something is happening in the hallway. What’s the commotion?

It’s Cynthia! Victim One has made a surprise appearance and agrees to take make a rare on-camera appearance with Dr. Charles Seagate. Below they are pictured in the very room where Cynthia was in her medical coma, starving, for nearly a year.

“She didn’t die,” sighs Dr. Charles Seagate, “but she’s still haunted.”

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